I’m not sure where to start, to write this post. <— I wrote that line last night, and then saved it in my drafts folder because I couldn’t come up with the words to actually write the post.
But now it’s today, and I’m going to try again.
SS and I had a great weekend. It was our fifth really-fun-and-busy weekend in a row. We had two weekends of wine-making, the second including the Vendemmia festival on Sunday (and that was the weekend after our Friday Civil Union). The following weekend, we went to a fundraiser for an animal shelter, and the weekend after that, we got in the car with the camera and went off in search of (1) gorgeous Fall scenery photos and video and (2) cranberry bogs that were being harvested. We found both, took a four mile hike in the State Forest, and took lots of photos and videos (almost 1000 files, total, when I transferred them to the PC), and I began to put together what will be my first vlog post. When it’s finished. Which I hope will be soon. (I also made a new header for the blog.)
Then, this past Saturday, we planted six trees in the back yard, and on Sunday, we went to the Cranberry Festival in Chatsworth, NJ. We did a lot of walking and looking around, a little Christmas shopping, enjoyed some live music, and took more photos and video, to add to the aforementioned vlog video.
Then, we came home, changed shoes, went to Home Depot and bought mulch for the new trees in the back yard, and also bought three Knock Out Rose bushes. We came home, planted the rose bushes, cut them back for the winter, put down mulch around them and around the trees, washed up and changed our shoes again, and went out for dinner.
And that was when it happened.
I won’t name the restaurant, because it was an extremely rare mistake and I think our server was new since we didn’t recognize the person, but after we’d each eaten about one and a half pieces of the Bruschetta, the owner came over to our table and quietly said, “This isn’t gluten free.” He gave us the gluten free version and explained how to tell the difference visually (they have an excellent system, which is another reason I think the server was new and picked up the wrong plate by mistake). He was very apologetic and felt awful.
I cried. Not loud and not in an obvious way, but I felt like I just crumbled inside, from fear. I had no idea what to expect, as far as how I would react physically. We asked for our dinner to go, so that we could be safely at home and in our PJ’s, in case I did get sick, so that I would be as comfortable as possible. The owner gave us the dinner at no charge, and threw in gluten free dessert, with more apologies, but I wasn’t angry; just terrified. Humans make mistakes, and usually, when I either go to a new place or see a new face at a place I am familiar with, I am in the habit of saying, “That’s gluten free, right?” when they bring our food. It’s a habit I got into a long time ago, just because it’s so easy to make a mistake. But I didn’t ask. I don’t know why. It looked the same, to me, as the gluten free Bruschetta, and the funny thing is, as I commented to SS, the gluteny version didn’t taste any better than the gluten free version we are used to. That’s a compliment to their gluten free version, because it’s that good.
I did add, though, in my conversation with SS, “Gee, if it had to happen that I would be eating that quantity of a gluteny food, why couldn’t it have been something that is really hard to find in gluten free where it tastes as good, like macaroni or something?”
But it was what it was, and as SS pointed out, “Well, we were talking about having you do a gluten challenge at some point. We were just going to save it for after our trip in November.”
And so I did a gluten challenge. Specifically, a wheat challenge; not a full-fledged gluten challenge. But still.
And . . .
I barely reacted.
I think.
I kid you not.
I say “I think” because I have noticed that my muscles and joints are aching more than usual . . . a lot more than usual . . . but I am also experiencing a Fibromyalgia flare from all the physical activity. A year ago, I would never have been able to even contemplate doing all the stuff I’ve been doing recently. At least not in five weeks. Maybe spread out over five months. Even that is a big “maybe”, on some of the physical stuff. So, it makes complete sense that my achiness is strictly from the Fibro. Even SS is aching today, and she doesn’t have Fibro and is in very good physical condition. I’m also feeling kind of emotionally fragile today, but that is often a part of a Fibro flare for me, and also often follows an anxiety reaction, which my fear last night clearly was. So, also, probably not a gluten reaction. I had a bit of nausea, followed by some mild cramping and gas, last night, but it wasn’t even as bad as the reaction I get to the Still-Unknown-Mystery-Other-Food-Sensitivity issue I have.
So. I really am leaning toward the conclusion that I apparently do not have a problem with wheat. Or not a serious problem. Or not a serious problem with processed white flour made from wheat, which is probably the type of flour the bread was made with.
And of course, this brought up a torrent of emotions and questions, for me. If I’m not gluten intolerant, then why did I feel so much better within a couple days after going gluten free four years ago? It was such an amazing difference that other people around me commented and asked me what I was doing differently. If I’m not gluten intolerant, then why, after being gluten free for about six months, did I have doubling-over pain after accidentally buying a multi vitamin with barley in it? Could I be barley intolerant but not wheat intolerant? If I am, how much barley is in the everyday foods I was eating before I went gluten free, to make the dramatic difference in how I felt that everyone around me noticed? Could the barley intolerance be one that causes immediate reaction and might I still have a wheat intolerance as well, that reacts on a more cumulative basis?
I remember, before I went gluten free (and before I even knew what “gluten free” was), I tried a little “test” with my mother’s help. A friend had told me about a test similar to the Delta test that her son had learned and their whole family had tried. You extend one arm and ask someone to push down on it while you resist and try not to allow your arm to be pushed down. At the same time, you hold a food item in your other hand. The idea is that if that particular type of food isn’t good for your body, whether it’s due to an allergy or intolerance or just the specific needs of your own body, you will be less able to resist the downward pushing on your other arm. Mom and I tried it with several foods, including a McDonald’s cheeseburger and fries, with which my arm remained strong. When I held a bone from a pot of beef-barley soup that Mom was making, my arm went down like I had no muscles at all. We repeated the test two or three times after that, just to make sure. Banana: strong. Soup bone: weak. Apple: strong. Soup bone: weak. It was so weird. I thought it was the beef, but I had a strong result with the McDonald’s burger. I didn’t know what to think.
I also remember, over the years, that every time I tried to eat “healthy” (i.e. whole wheat breads as opposed to processed white, more vegetables, salads, etc.), I would feel worse than if I ate junk food. People around me sometimes thought I was imagining it or making it up as an excuse to keep eating junk food, and I was seriously puzzled. After the arm test, and before I knew what gluten was, I began to suspect that I had a problem with wheat that wasn’t so much of a problem with highly processed wheat flour, but more with whole wheat, explaining why the arm test was strong with the burger and fries, but still not explaining what was up with the soup bone.
Maybe that is the case, though. I may be strongly barley intolerant and mildly wheat intolerant. If that is the case, then of course I’ll remain gluten free. Even if barley was my only problem, I would remain gluten free, due to the chance of barley growing in wheat fields due to wind and birds transporting seeds, or the barley being processed together with wheat.
I’ll hopefully know more soon. My doctor is running a bunch of tests for various food sensitivities and I’m hoping to find out what my Still-Unknown-Mystery-Other-Food-Sensitivity is, and hopefully it will show the wheat and/or barley issues as well. I don’t know what to think about rye, but at least it’s less common to show up in foods, I think.
At the same time that I’m doing the food sensitivity testing, I will also be doing testing of my neurotransmitter levels and vitamin/mineral levels and absorption, and my doctor can help me dial on on those things with my supplements and some amino acid therapies. My hope is to have this all ironed out by the end of the year.
An interesting and ironic side note, though:
I found a gluten free waterproof mascara! Long time readers may remember what an issue this was for me. I had been looking, again, for waterproof mascara I could wear, after how teary-eyed I got during our Civil Union ceremony and knowing I will be twice as teary-eyed at our Florida ceremony, which includes a hand blessing that Sister performs a lot at the weddings where she officiates, and which I have never been able to hear without crying. After some searching, I found Maybelline’s Turbo Volum’ Express in waterproof. When I called the company and inquired, I was told it is gluten free.
The irony is that I was wearing it for the first time yesterday, and had the opportunity to test its waterproof-ness when I cried. Over being glutened. The mascara passed the crying test with flying colors, but now I may not necessarily need for it to be gluten free.
I am passing along the information, though, since I still get a lot of hits from people looking for gluten free mascara and other gluten free cosmetics.
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