Rock • Paper • Scissors

I’ve discovered that I often play emotional rock-paper-scissors.  You know, the game where rock breaks scissors, scissors cut paper, and paper covers rock?  I don’t have any hand-gestures for my game (well, none that have to be used every time), but here’s how it goes:

• stress starves oxygen
• oxygen helps hold back tears
• tears relieve stress

I find that when I’m under stress (or feeling afraid / nervous / worried), I don’t breathe enough.  (Stress starves oxygen.)  And when I’m starting to cry and the time or place are not appropriate or convenient for tears, deep-breathing helps.  (Oxygen helps hold back tears.)  And, of course, a good old cry can do wonders for calming down and relaxing.  (Tears relieve stress.)

I figured this all out because yesterday, as I was sitting at work, working, I finally faced a thought that had been gnawing at me for some time.  I sent my therapist a quick email about it, and started to get all teary-eyed.  I kept breathing and managed to get through the day without crying in front of my coworkers, but thank God for Behind The Couch and all the people who comment regularly there!  A discussion ensued about those times when we have to hold back because of the place or time not being right, and this morning, BTC had written a whole post about it!  How cool is that?

So, it’s nice to know I’m not the only one who plays the stress-oxygen-tears game, or some variation of it.

Novel Journals

I’m a Sue Grafton fan.  I got started reading the Alphabet Series books several years after she began publishing them, but one benefit to that is that I’ve gotten to read them in order, one after the other (well, except that I read “N is For Noose” first and then went back and started with “A is For Alibi”), without having to wait for the next one to come out before reading it.

I’d been to her web site before, but never noticed until recently that she has a section called Journal Notes, where she shares the journals she kept while planning “G”, “H”, “J”, “K”, and “L”.  I love this.  I’ve had various text files with notes about the series I’m writing (I don’t use traditional outlines.  I don’t know if Sue Grafton does or not, but my notes are what I do in place of an actual outline), and some other text files with snippets and pieces of ideas for other projects (sometimes as little as a part of a line that I want to use somewhere, someday), but I’ve been unhappy with the way I’ve been keeping my notes when it came to finding a specific idea or thought later.

Reading some of Sue Grafton’s journals has been so exciting for me, for more than one reason.  Obviously, I am eager to learn from seasoned professionals.  Every author, I’m sure, has his or her own ways of keeping track of information, but the journaling idea really appeals to me.  Another reason I have loved reading them is that a lot of her “thinking on paper” sounds similar to the way I write most of my notes when I’m planning.  Lots of questions.  ”Maybe this?” or “Maybe that?”  Some partially thought-out ideas, “but still need to decide such-and-such”.  And a third reason I have found this so fun is that I was reading the journals after having read the finished books, and some that came after, so I was able to recognize which ideas she used, what she changed, and even what she wound up using in a different book.  (I’m guessing that may be why she hasn’t published her journal notes after “L”; there may be notes in some of the journals that came later that she hasn’t used yet.)

I have so often been tempted to write entries in my old online diary about some of the brainstorming sessions Sister and I have.  It would, however, be a bad idea to post ideas for as-yet unwritten novels on the Internet for anybody to read.  But I have started a journal (and a database, also, to keep track of timeline information and specific character details).  I think my journal will probably cover the planning for the whole series, rather than starting a new one for each book, but that isn’t written in stone yet.

A few weeks ago, Sister and I did some great brainstorming.  I had been thinking of deciding on a specified number of books to be in the series, and we had been discussing three different options as to how to title them.  All three ideas had their own merits, but the one I kept leaning toward (and eventually decided on) worked best with a finite number of books.  As soon as I decided on the number of books (six), I knew the title for the last one.  I like for the titles (at least in this series; not necessarily in everything I write) to fit the story in more than one way.  While Sister and I were talking, I brought up a title I’d like to use for book three, four, or five, and as soon as I said, “The reader will probably start out thinking the title means (one thing), but as the story unfolds, it will be obvious it means (something else),” Sister said, “Oh, how about if the story is about . . . ”  I immediately added some of my own thoughts and we went back and forth for awhile, until we had it all worked out.  Finally, I said, “And so-and-so can live in the house that (the third book) centers around!”  (A part of the initial idea for that story wound up being used, in a somewhat changed form, for book two, so this new idea replaced that and fit quite nicely into the rest of the already-established framework for book three.)  On and on we went, until we had all six titles, timelines, and basic plots.  This is so exciting. I listed the titles and basic story ideas in a text file, but haven’t added them to my journal yet.  I will do that soon, as well as some more brainstorming on book two, which I will be starting on November 1st.

I love something else about Sue Grafton’s web site, as well: She gives you a glimpse into her real life.  She has photos, including some of her office, her husband, her cats, and her assistant.

Someday, maybe I’ll publish excerpts from my novel journal(s) on my writer web site, and some other as-yet unpublished author will read them and find comfort and inspiration in my having revealed my half-conceived ideas and questions during the process that led to the finished books.  And maybe that author will be curious to see my office, my family (including Sister, who has already offered to work as my assistant and is already the world’s greatest plotting buddy), and my cat.  Plus the extra stuff I’ll be adding, to make my site unique.

Sigh.  That would be awesome.

NaNoSnacking

After I quit smoking in 1996, I barely wrote anything for almost a complete year.  I’d always associated smoking with writing, and it took me a long time to reestablish new habits that felt natural to me.  One of those habits was Totino’s Pizza Rolls.  Just imagining the taste of them was inspirational.  The years went by, and when I started participating in NaNoWriMo, I would prepare by stocking up on Totino’s Pizza Rolls, frozen bagels, and cream cheese.  And, of course, coffee.  Lots of it.   If I wanted to really treat myself, on a weekend morning, I’d go through the Dunkin’ Donuts drive-through and pick up one of their bagels and coffee.  This became such a nice writing ritual to look forward to, and added another fun level to the preparation phase for November each year.

And then, in April of 2007, I realized I was gluten intolerant.  And everything changed.

Fortunately, I didn’t go for another year without writing.  I recognized that I was going to need to plan for this and figure out some new NaNo food rituals.  I discovered Glutino bagels, which don’t taste like Dunkin’ Donuts bagels, but are the best gluten-free bagels, in my opinion, that I’ve found.  I like them. Very much.  I haven’t found an alternative to Pizza Rolls, however.  (I did email the Glutino company one day not long ago, and I told them what a happy camper I’d be if they could come up with a gluten-free snack that tastes like Totino’s Pizza Rolls, and also a cracker that tastes just like Cheez-Its, though to be honest, I used to keep eating Cheez-Its until I’d get sick. I never learned how to stop when I’d had enough.   So maybe wishing for a gluten-free version may not be in my best interest.)  The gluten-free bread that I like the best (not counting home-baked) is very good when used to make grilled cheese, patty melts, tuna melts, etc., so I had an idea last year to make grilled cheese with mozzarella and pepperoni (maybe a few mushrooms) and cut them into bite-sized pieces and dip them into heated pizza sauce (I believe Ragu’s is gluten-free, if I’m not mistaken). I never actually tried it, but I may give it a try this year.

I’ve been seeing a lot of mention on the NaNo site this year of writing while under the influence of Halloween candy.  I don’t remember seeing so many mentions of it in past years, but maybe I just wasn’t paying attention.  This year, I got to thinking, and liking the idea of Tootise Pops and Peanut Butter Kisses while writing.  I bought a variety of candy, doing my label-reading and web-site checking to make sure everything was gluten-free. I bought Tootsie Pops, Necco Mary Jane Peanut Butter Kisses, small-sized Hershey bars, and a Starburst Fruit Chews and Skittles mix-bag.

I’m on the Harris Whole Health emailing list, and got an email the other day that included the updated list of Gluten-Free Halloween Candy.  (It’s under Recent News on their site.)  It confirmed what I’d learned about the candy I bought, and I felt comforted by that.

Well, I had one hell of a gluten reaction to something over the weekend.  It started Friday night and I didn’t start to actually feel “better” until Wednesday.  As often happens when I’ve been “glutened”, I wasn’t sure where to start, to figure out how it happened.  Was it one of the brands of candy, and the manufacturer didn’t realize they have a possible cross-contamination problem?  Or was it just “being out in the world” and not living in a bubble?  I mean, all it takes is the tiniest crumb, or fraction of a crumb.

Those who were good at the “cootie” game as kids probably have the best aptitude for living gluten-free. When I first began exploring the world of the gluten-free and reading posts on message boards where people discussed things like the spatulas in their kitchens and the wheat-germ in their hair products, I thought they were over-reacting and being paranoid.  But then I learned.  You have to be paranoid.

Sometimes someone will post on one of the message boards and say that one need not worry about things like hair gel or skin cream or soaps, because the gluten reaction only happens when the gluten is introduced into the digestive system and that what is absorbed into the skin makes no difference, but these people are completely missing the point.  Anything that has the slightest trace of wheat, rye, barley, or oats, and touches your hands, can make its way into your digestive system.  If you ever touch your mouth, eat finger food, or nibble a cuticle, there is your introduction.

So, this recent gluten reaction may have happened when I wasn’t thinking and set my coffee cup on the top of the microwave at work, where the coffee maker is, and where my coworkers leave their crumbs from sandwiches and frozen pastry-type foods that they microwave.  I am usually extremely careful that nothing of mine rests on any surfaces where coworkers eat or prepare food.  This can be tricky at times.  If I picked up crumbs on the bottom of my coffee mug, I may have transferred them to my desk, and then to my hands.  Or maybe, when I went to the grocery store, I may have used a cart that someone used who bought flour.  You know how there is always some flour on the outside of the bag?  It gets on their hands, then on the cart handle, and then on my hands.  I’m more careful not to touch my face when I’m out in public, until I can wash my hands, but mistakes happen.

Just to be on the safe side, I triple-checked the listings for the candy I bought (and even emailed one of the companies to ask if they use shared equipment – they responded and said that that candy is the only one made on that equipment), and I’m comfortable that the candy is gluten-free.  I’ll “test” it over the next few days by only eating one kind each day and making sure I have no reaction, but I suspect the cause of the reaction I had was something else, and something I may never know for sure.

So I’m ready to head into NaNo with my Glutino bagels, experimental grilled-cheeze-pizza-bites, and Halloween candy.

And coffee.  Lots of coffee.

Introduction

I guess it’s time to introduce myself.

I’ve had an online diary on another site since 2003, and while there are many features there I like and have enjoyed, I kind of feel like it’s time for a change.  Plus I really like the Tags and Categories on WordPress.

So, this blog will be about a lot of things.  I’ve been contemplating, recently, the difference between a blog and an online diary.  I came to the conclusion that most blogs seem to be about a specific topic, often with many sub-topics (writing, gluten-free living, etc.), while a diary seems to be more about the life of the diarist, all sorts of topics and sub-topics all rolled into it.  But I could be wrong.  Maybe they’re just two words that mean the same thing.  I still don’t know.  But since I am one who writes about a lot of topics that pertain to my life, the Tags and Categories feature on WordPress is especially impressive to me.  I like that people can read about the things they’re interested in and not be bored by the things they aren’t.

This is the little blurb I have at the top of my old diary, to give some sort of idea of the sorts of things I write about: “woman, 44, writes for pleasure, writes for therapy, writes to share . . . writes about growth and change, family and friends, pets, spirituality, sexuality, odd ponderings, irony, fiction writing, the mundane and ordinary (and sometimes finding the profound within the mundane and ordinary) . . . gluten-free since late April 2007, living with fibromyalgia / chronic fatigue / depression / menopause / pcos / pmdd, trying to keep a sense of humor, one day at a time . . . life is constant motion, however slow or fast it may be“.