More About Structure, And Another Gluten Warning

As hesitant as I was to attempt to add structure to my life, it’s turning out to not be as difficult as I feared it would be.  I think the key is to add new things one at a time, with some time in between to adjust.  Well, there seem to be several keys, but that’s a big one.

Someone recently gave me a Palm Pilot.  I resisted initially, thinking that if I can’t seem to make a paper organizer or an online task list work, I wouldn’t be any more likely to make proper use of a Palm.  I was wrong!  It’s amazing.  It fits right into the way my mind works, somehow.  It syncs with the software on my computer and fits right into my purse.  I keep my task list on it (a very long end ever-growing list of every little thing I would otherwise forget to do).  I look at the “Today” view of my task list so that it isn’t overwhelming, seeing all those things I have to do, and it feels like those things I have to do in the day in question are in more manageable chunks.  I’ve been learning how easily overwhelmed I am, and now that I realize that about myself, I can structure (there’s that word again) things so that I don’t shut down when contemplating the enormity of everything.

I keep my shopping list on the Palm, too, with items divided by store, and I just delete them from the list as I go, and then add new items as I think of them.  No little scraps of paper in my purse, and no need to carry a little spiral notebook or start new lists as the old ones get all scratched out, anymore.  I have items in my Office Documents like my list of the supplements I take, which includes brand names, dosages, and prices, so that when I need to buy more I remember which ones to buy; and various gluten-free product, company, and ingredient lists.

I have the little folding keyboard that goes with it, too, and I can use that to work on my NaNoWriMo novel if my laptop doesn’t work and I’m at a write-in.  I won’t be able to write on it in the program I usually use (though I did message the software’s author to ask if he would write a version for Palm for next year), but I could write in Word and then transfer it when I get home.  (My laptop is very old and cantankerous and I’m not sure how much I can count on it to work on any given day.)  The Palm has wifi, and that is awesome, since the wifi on my laptop hasn’t worked for a long time.  I’ll be able to update my NaNo word counts even if I’m not home.

End of commercial for Palm.  For now. 

And other news in the Tampalama Adds Structure To Her Life Saga:

When trying to figure out a glutening not long ago, SS said maybe I should keep a food diary.  I groaned.  I hate keeping food diaries.  But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized how it could have come in handy, had I been keeping one during the last few glutenings.

Yesterday morning, we were talking about the last time I was glutened and neither of us could remember what had caused it, even though I’d figured it out at the time it happened.  I finally remembered.  It was the WalMart Great Value brand corn tortillas I’d bought a few months ago.  The package says “gluten free” on it, but I noticed the day I bought it that it was the last of the old packaging design, and all the packages with the new design had a shared equipment warning.  I debated about buying it, wondering if they changed the gluten info when they switched to the new packaging because they had discovered it was mislabeled earlier due to the shared equipment situation or if they actually had changed where and  how they were made at the same time they changed the labels.  I took the chance and bought them and used them a few times.  That was during a time when I was being glutened in more than one way (also, a store brand acidophilus I was using at the time seems to not be gluten free).  I hung onto the tortillas, though, and gave them a try again Sunday night, just to test, and I reacted.  That was the glutening we couldn’t remember the source of, yesterday.  And that was what convinced me to start a food log.

I created a new blog and made it private (the whole world doesn’t care or need to know what I eat).  I’m keeping the entries simple, with a list of what I eat each day.  I don’t bother with measurements and such because it isn’t a weight loss food diary.  I make notes about things that might or might not be pertinent later, like which Dunkin Donuts location I got my coffee from the last two mornings.  I made categories for the two major reactions I have to gluten (abdominal pain/gas, and bleeding, usually two to three days later).  I made categories for the types of foods I’m eating, as well, just in case that might spotlight any other trends (i.e. I’ve suspected for some time that I also have a problem with dairy, but I’m not ready to come completely out of denial about it.  Many gluten intolerant people also cannot digest casein, a protein in milk.  I generally only react with digestive symptoms to dairy products when I’ve been glutened, but I always seem to become congested and sinusy after I eat cheese.)  I had to laugh this morning when, just beginning today’s entry, my category cloud showed “coffee” in huge letters.  At that point, it was the only category that had more than one entry in it.

I’m including a section in each day’s entry for soaps, lotions, detergents, etc., which I’ll just paste in from the day before and only change when I change brands.  I’ll make notes of anything unusual that happens, like the times I have opened a file folder of paperwork from Boss and had a half-cup of bread crumbs fall out onto me (I spoke with him about it, explaining what crumbs can do and asking for his help since I was trying to rule out as much as possible in my attempt to figure out how I was being glutened, and he said he will be more careful about eating lunch near the paperwork he is working on).  I have a section in every entry where I’ll go back in and make a note if I have any reaction, and I’ll put it into the appropriate reaction category.  Eventually, I should be able to pin down what causes the mystery reactions I have sometimes.

Speaking of mystery glutenings, I have another entry in my drafts folder that will be published soon . . .

And speaking of WalMart (as in the mention of the Great Value brand corn tortillas, above), I was looking at their gluten free products on their web site (a search feature I had touted in a previous entry) and was still very impressed with it . . . until I got several pages into the list and saw Goldfish crackers, fudge brownie ice cream, and bread.  Wheat bread, yes.  In the gluten free search results.  So, I have to add a warning here, to anyone who took my advice and went to look at the list: Be careful!  Take nothing for granted!  And always read labels before you buy, because even if something was gluten free last time  you bought it, it may not be anymore.

More soon.

–

Wanting To Be Better

“You make me want to be a better man.” – Jack Nickolson, As Good As It Gets

Love can be like that.

Just as the Jack Nicholson character was willing to take the medication for his OCD, in spite of his hatred of pills, to try to become better, I’ve been working on my clutter/hoarding problem and have been making headway in the decluttering department.  I have a bigger reason to want to be better than I had before, because if I stayed rooted in the small, constricted life I’d constructed for myself, which felt safe for the time I needed it to but began to become suffocating, there would have continued to be no room to allow a relationship into my life.  As my therapist pointed out yesterday, as my level of trusting SS has grown, my level of anxiety (and the need to continue living my hoarding/cluttering/hermitting type of life) has been shrinking.

And it’s true.  As I’ve worked on the decluttering, I have found that the feeling that it must all be perfect for SS has toned down to something much more realistic and attainable.  I’m content with how my progress is going.  It’s going to be ok.

I commented to Sister the other night about how amazed I am that there is only one of SS, and she’s mine.  Out of all the people in the whole world.  Sometimes I feel the flip-side of that.  Something she will do or say will make me so proud to be the one she loves, and I feel like announcing, “She loves me!  Of all the people in the world . . . me!”

How does that happen?  How does it happen that anyone ever meets that One who constantly amazes them and makes them feel like the luckiest person alive?  And how does it happen that both people feel that way about each other?  The odds against that must be astronomical, and yet it happens.  Regularly.  Look around you.  I think there are way more couples than single people out there, and granted, they aren’t all happy together and many don’t feel that sense of awe and wonder with each other, but it happens very often.  Against all those odds.  Even sometimes against our own fighting not to allow it to happen.

Amazing.

Simply amazing.

–

I Love Fall!

I used to write “I Love Fall” entries in my old online diary every year.  I wait for the first cool day, every year, the same way some people wait for big holidays.  After the long, hot, humid summers here, Fall feels to me like coming out of a cocoon and waking up.

I heard a weather report earlier that we’re getting a cold front.  Today’s high is 88 or 89, but it’s supposed to go down into the 60’s overnight and in the morning.  Tomorrow’s high is something like 85, I heard, but it should be dryer, which feels so much better.  And this means that Fall is officially here again.

I’m looking forward to weather that is good for opening windows.  I especially like open windows while I am cleaning and/or organizing and/or decluttering.  While I am continuing my decluttering of the apartment, there will be a flow of fresh air moving through, blowing out negative energy and stale fears and difficult emotions that are no longer needed.

This is good.

–

Throw It Away Already

A month (or two?  three?) ago, I was web-surfing and reading about compulsive hoarding.  Somewhere (I don’t remember where), I found a web page that had a long list of comments from compulsive hoarders, discussing their situations and challenges.  Someone had posted that they were afraid to be seen taking trash out of their house.  I don’t quite remember their reason for that, but it struck a chord with me.  Every time I start to work on decluttering my apartment, I pile bags and boxes of trash by the front door as I work.  And then they stay there.  For a long, long time.

This is so extremely hard to write about in such a public way.

I always tell myself I’ll take the trash down to the dumpster later, when it’s dark, and I’m less likely to be seen.  Somehow, as illogical as it is, I have this impression in my mind that if people see me carrying all that trash out, they’ll know I was living with that much trash in my apartment.  The thing is, it isn’t smelly trash or food trash or anything; I can take the kitchen trash out, and take out the trash from cleaning out Emily’s litter box.  That doesn’t bother me because that’s “normal” trash.  The stuff I keep getting stuck on is paper trash, old clothes that are too worn or torn to donate, junk that needs to be gotten rid of.

Logically, I don’t believe that my neighbors sit by their windows and count how many bags or boxes of trash the rest of us carry out to the dumpster.  And if any of them did, it would be an indication that they had problems, just as I do.  Different problems from mine, but problems, anyway.  I shouldn’t care whether anyone spends the time and energy to care how much trash or clutter I’ve been living with.  I should only care that I’m purging my living environment of it.  No longer having to step over it.  No longer risking tripping and breaking my neck.  No longer avoiding having friends and family come over.  No longer having situations like yesterday morning, when the cop rang my doorbell to ask if I’d heard anything when my neighbor’s car was stolen during the night, and I had to squeeze outside my door and shut it behind me to keep the cop and my neighbor from seeing inside while we talked.

It should be easy.  It’s easy enough to put the stuff into the boxes and bags and set them by the door.  But then, that block is there, from whatever illogical place or abnormal brain synapse it stems, and it isn’t easy.

Beyond Words

Cathy by Cathy Guisewite - July 18, 2009

Tonight I’m at that place that is beyond words.  Did some work toward de-cluttering today, took another look at myself and my life up to this point, and loosened the manhole cover that has been holding back some feelings I’d been ignoring.  And now I’m numb and have no words.  For now, anyway.

Rambling Thoughts About Climbing Back On The IF Wagon

I’m working back toward the anti-inflammation diet again.  I’d gotten away from it, after the two or three weeks or so in June and July that I did really well (I don’t actually remember when I let it go by the wayside; I just stopped writing about it at some point, just as I did in January when I was trying to lose weight).  Money was an issue the week I gave up, and I couldn’t afford the right foods to continue properly.  By that time, though, I’d already begun the process of letting go of it gradually, first eating some of the inflammatory foods I’d been craving, justifying it to myself by thinking the anti-inflammatory foods I was still eating would make up for it.  I knew about that tendency in myself, to justify, yet the Inner Enabler (I don’t know if that’s an actual psychological term or not, but it seems to fit) can effectively wipe that knowledge from accessible memory and make it seem like it makes sense in the moment.

“I’ll just have one.”

“I’ll just have a few.”

“Well, half the package is already gone.  I’ll just finish it so I won’t have any more left to tempt me and I’ll start again tomorrow.”

“It could be worse.  I could have eaten (fill in the blank with something worse).”

My sister and I once developed an entire diet plan called the It Could Be Worse Diet.  It works like this: Whatever you want to eat, just think of something worse that you could be eating but aren’t.  (“I want a big bowl of ice cream, but I won’t eat the whole container!”, “I want a second donut, but it could be worse; I could eat the whole dozen.”  ”This burger and fries has to be better than eating an entire pizza.”)  Bingo.  Your Inner Enabler is happy, you get your comfort food, and all feels right with the world.  Granted, you won’t lose much weight,  but it kept us amused for a while.

My food addiction is making it so difficult to eat the way I know I need to.  The other day, while walking through the grocery store and picking out healthy items, I fought tears, facing that I would be giving up my comfort foods again.  It felt something like walking a tight rope without a net, a comparison I have made to the fighting of fears in a few areas of my life.

In the last month or two, I’ve been feeling the effects of the inflammation growing steadily worse again.  The knees, the hip, the back pain (especially after sleeping for any length of time over about five hours).  Then, last week, my left shoulder started to hurt again and got worse every day, and finally my jaw started hurting again by about Thursday.  I was afraid the stabbing headache pains would be next, so that was why I went to the store and bought a supply of some of the easier anti-inflammatory foods to incorporate back into my diet: tuna, sardines, sweet potatoes, cantaloupe, salad greens, avocado, V-8 juice, baby carrots.  I still had frozen strawberries, which, along with cantaloupe, I hadn’t actually stopped eating regularly since doing this in June and July.  I still have some frozen Brussels sprouts and some frozen spinach.  I’ll pick up almonds the next time I go to the store, and olive oil for cooking.  Maybe a jar of olives.  According to the book I have, one jumbo green olive is worth 8 IF (Inflammation Factor) points.  Two tablespoons of chopped raw onion is worth 52.  A quarter cup chopped red bell pepper is 45.  So, adding those things (and counting out maybe five jumbo olives) to a salad would add 137 points to a salad eaten with dinner, and will add a whole lot of flavor, as well.  If I include raw kale in the salad, that can really boost the IF ratings even more.  (A quarter cup is worth 128 points, according to nutritiondata.com [the book doesn't list raw kale, only cooked].)

I’ve been in the habit of looking up foods either on the Nutrition Data web site or in the book when certain ones are listed in one place but not the other.  Sometimes I look things up in both places, and sometimes I can’t find specific listings anywhere.  There are a few things I am finding extremely difficult and frustrating.  One is when the web site and the book contradict one another.  Another is when I can’t find something anywhere.  And yet another is not knowing how to figure out packaged foods or gluten-free foods that aren’t on either list or show the IF Rating as N/A on the web site.  So I do the best I can and hope I’m right, and that if I’m wrong, I’ve done well enough with the rest of my day to make up for it.  I’ll just continue to hope that the concept of IF Ratings catches on and becomes something that more people will want to pay attention to, and that that may mean more access to information about more foods in the future.

I think the most astounding thing I noticed last time I did this was that I was suddenly able to sleep through an entire night without waking up with back pain.  For years, I felt I had a choice: either get enough sleep to function on all cylinders or be able to stand upright and walk in the morning.  I’d had no idea that it was any longer an option, at my weight and age and without buying a new bed, to have both.  But eating anti-inflammatorily (I still like that phrase, even if I did make it up) made it possible.  And, of course, it went back to the way it was before, when I stopped.  Because a decent night’s sleep is imperative for so many things, including ADD, fibromyalgia, and depression, and because allowing those things to be any more out of control than they already are (especially the ADD) could very well cost me my job, I’ve come to the conclusion that avoiding inflammatory foods is something I’m going to have to do.  (I’ve decided to talk with my GP about trying ADD medication when I see him in October, but even if I  find a medication I like and it helps a lot, proper sleep is still vital.)

I read an article yesterday that said:

The fatty tissues of the body secrete hormones that regulate the immune system and inflammation, but in the case of an overweight individual this can become out of control. Three of the hormones that play a role in metabolism are leptin, resistin and adiponectin.

• Leptin is involved in appetite control.
• Resistin is a hormone that increases insulin resistance.
• Adiponectin lowers the blood sugar by making your body more insulin sensitive.

The fact that it is the fatty tissue that produces these hormones makes the fat self regulating, as the hormones should act to bring the increased fat under control. Bodies with more fat will produce more leptin bringing the appetite under control. However in cases where the body is inflamed there is often a problem with leptin resistance, and the self regulation of fat does not occur. Leptin resistance is where to body stops responding to the appetite controlling effects of the hormone.

In addition to these metabolism regulating hormones your fatty tissue also produces chemicals that cause inflammation and this can make the problem of leptin resistance worse. This is why obesity can cause an increase of these inflammatory chemicals which in turn inhibit the correct balancing function of the weight controlling hormones. This results in a vicious circle of weight gain causing inflammation which inhibits hormone function thereby causing further weight gain.

And this drives home the point that I not only need to avoid inflammatory foods; I need to lose weight as well.  I suppose that saying “I’m not doing this to lose weight, but to feel better, and the fact that I’ll end up losing weight anyway is just a bonus” is becoming less effective at distracting my fears.  Fooling myself into thinking I can skirt around the Inner Enabler unnoticed isn’t going to work anymore, either.

I suppose it’s wake-up time.

–

Fatigue . . . zzzzz

I’ve been having a really rough time the last several days because I missed my Yaz for almost three days.  Word of advice for anyone taking Yaz for PMDD: Don’t skip doses! I had a small snafu with refilling my prescription last Friday (my own fault, for not planning ahead) and had to go until Monday evening before I could get it taken care of.  Since Tuesday, I’ve been exhausted in spite of getting sleep, mentally foggy, dancing with depression, and nauseated off-and-on with muscle aches and mammoth hot flashes.  Ugh.  And did I mention feeling exhausted?  It’s actualy work to keep my head up.  There is also the return of some fear-related issues that I thought I’d mostly dealt with, but I’ll save that for some other blog post, some other day.

At least I have the knowledge, from past experience, that things will get better over time.  In the moment, it doesn’t feel like it will get better, but it will.

And when it does, I have several drafts of blog entries to work on finishing.  And emails to several friends I’ve gotten behind in emailing.  And reading and commenting on blogs I like to keep up with, and posting to a forum I belong to and have gotten behind on.  And I’m looking forward to clear thinking again.  And having my attitude change from “*Sigh*  Whatever” to something a little more like I’d been starting to get used to lately.

But for now, all I can really think about with much clarity is how much I miss my bed . . .  and my pillow . . .  and my blankie.

Mercury In Retrograde

So, I saw on Friday that Mercury is in retrograde from 9/6/09 – 9/29/09 (or 9/7/09 – 9/30/09, according to another site).  My initial reaction: “Well, no sh*t.  That was obvious without looking it up.”

Some exerpts from an article on Astrology Zone that I found interesting:

At several points throughout the year most of us will be bombarded with the maddening effects of Mercury in retrograde. Mercury is a planet which governs all transportation and communication issues. Mercury is not an emotional planet, but rather a highly objective, truth-seeking one. It rules intelligence, education and truth. When it is in retrograde, some of its power is held back.

When Mercury starts turning in an apparent backward motion, we will start to feel the effects of this event days or even as far as two weeks earlier. When the planet normalizes we will see the tempo of events pick up in our lives as the planet becomes “stationary” and then speeds forward.

Gemini and Virgo are signs ruled by Mercury, so if you are one of those born during those months, you will be complaining especially loudly. . .

I’m a Gemini, and I’d never given any thought to Virgo also being ruled by Mercury, but I have to laugh, because my rising sign is Virgo.  I wonder if that makes me even more apt to feel the effects of Mercury Retrograde.

What happens when Mercury retrogrades? You miss appointments, your computer equipment crashes, checks get lost, you find the car you just purchased during Mercury retrograde is a lemon. . . All machinery and things with moving parts–such as computers, VCRs, camera equipment, garbage disposals, and so forth, will reveal any weak links now. It is critical that you back up your data system and be more careful and vigilant than ever. Projects will demand more time and money than anticipated this month. . .

Things get lost when Mercury messes us up. Take NOTHING for granted. . .

. . . try not to start new things. If you have to start a job during a Mercury retrograde period know that the nature of the job is likely to change dramatically over time. Perhaps the person you report to will leave, or your responsibilities will be very different from what you thought they would be. Or your company won’t be ready to take you on, and you won’t have much to do until things are reorganized. But remember, if this was a position that you tried for in the past, then you’ve got the vibes working for you rather than against you.

The first clue that Mercury might be retrograde was the number of misunderstood communications with the wedding last weekend.

Then, there is my VCR situation of late.  It began days ago, when my one-dollar-yard-sale VCR that I bought when my older one stopped working began to eat tapes.  I managed to get the tapes out (it ate two before I was convinced it wasn’t a one-time fluke) and I wound the pulled-out and wrinkled tape back into the cartridge with a fork (hey, I was eating dinner at the time and it was handy), but of course I realized I shouldn’t use that VCR anymore.  Then the fun began.  Someone Special loaned me her VCR, and when I hooked it up, I couldn’t get the picture to stop rolling and messing up (or at times, going completely blank).  This was both while watching the TV through the VCR and while watching a tape.  We concluded that something must be wrong with that VCR and I called Mom and Dad to ask if I could borrow theirs until I can get a new one.  (Money is always so tight that even a VCR purchase is a big deal that has to be planned for.)

Well, I got Mom and Dad’s VCR home Thursday night and tried to hook it up (the same exact way I had it hooked up the last time I borrowed it, mind you) and I couldn’t tune in any channels with it.

I’m going to cut this story short and leave out the part about the huge temper flareups I went through that night, and jump right to the part about how I lost my pliers.  I had them, and then I couldn’t find them, and whatever happened in between was a blur.  I needed them in order to disconnect what I’d done and try it again with different cables, so I wasted . . . gosh, it must have been close to an hour but it felt like two . . . doing nothing but going in circles, looking for the stupid pliers.  They turned up back against the wall, under a table, where I’d evidently flung them in frustration.  Ok, so, pliers located, I went to work.  And still couldn’t get it right.  I was on the phone with Someone Special when I said something to the effect of, “Well, I’ll try using those red, yellow, and white plugs instead, but I need my flashlight to see where they plug in.  Crap.  Where’s my flashlight?  I just had it . . .”  I still laugh as I remember SS saying, “Oh, no.  No, no no.”  (She was laughing, too.)

It didn’t matter.  I found the flashlight, but nothing I tried got the VCR working.  I gave up, finally, and went to bed.

Friday morning, I went in to work, put coffee and water into the coffee maker, flipped the switch, and nothing happened.  *Sigh*

Remembering how, Thursday, Boss was having trouble with his cell phone, his computer, his email (no matter what computer he was on) and something else (I don’t remember what, now), and Mom telling me about how, when she was baking last weekend, both her can opener and her timer broke within minutes of one another, it dawned on me that our friend Mercury was likely in retrograde, so I looked it up.  And it is.

But it isn’t all bad.  There are some positive aspects, as well.

More exerpts from the Astrology Zone article:

Why would the Universe give us Mercury retrograde? Because to move forward it is sometimes necessary to backtrack and reconfigure our paths in life. It is important to reconsider, repair, reflect, and reconnect. Mercury forces us to slow down and fix what’s broken, and in so doing, rethink things. It also gives us time to get to projects we have put on the back-burner.

Some activities are lucky or actually improve when Mercury retrogrades. You are likely to bump into old friends that you haven’t seen in years. Adopted children tend to find their birth parents during Mercury retrograde periods, or people locate their long lost siblings. Prosecutors often find clues to crimes that had previously remained unsolved for years. (Although sometimes the reverse is true–there is a greater danger, or example, that police can bungle evidence during a Mercury retrograde period, for clear thinking doesn’t come easy for any of us then.) Mail that went astray weeks or even years ago shows up during Mercury retrograde. Some things that were lost reappear.

Now is also a good time to dress old wounds, clean up relationships or to simply bury the hatchet. Some people have great breakthroughs in psychotherapy during a Mercury retrograde period. For salesman, it is a positive time to backtrack over previous contacts rather than call on new ones. It is a perfect time to schedule work on projects that you haven’t had time to do and you’ve let pile up. Bring your resume or portfolio up to date, and clean out your closets. Take time to paint the house. Clear your decks.

I also really enjoyed an article by Ron Archer, that looks at Mercury Retrograde from a mindfulness perspective.  I’m quoting the entire text of the article because all of it applies to some of what is on my mind lately:

“The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers.” -Thich Nhat Hanh

It’s Saturday morning and I just completed my “weekly review.” For those not familiar with the popular “Getting Things Done” book and methodolgy, the weekly review is part of an overall system for managing projects and tasks.

David Allen, who created this system, also practices karate. At the beginning of the book David uses a phrase from martial arts: “mind like water.” He says to imagine throwing a pebble into a still pond. The water ripples appropriately to the weight and mass of the pebble, and then returns to calm. David advocates his GTD system so that we too can have a mind like water- calm, responding to inputs appropriately- not overreacting or underreacting- and then returning to a state of calm. It’s really about developing a state of mindfulness.

Wikipedia defines mindfulness as:
Mindfulness is calm awareness of one’s body functions, feelings, content of consciousness, or consciousness itself. Mindfulness plays a central role in the teaching of the Buddha where it is affirmed that “correct” or “right” mindfulness is the critical factor in the path to liberation and subsequent enlightenment.

In astrology the planet Mercury is a symbol for our mind, ideas, and communication and learning styles. Mercury is never more than 28 degrees away from the Sun, symbolizng how closely our mind relfects our true inner selves.

About thee times a year the universe gives us the opportunity to become more mindful when Mercury turns retrograde. This means that from our perspective on Earth Mercury appears to move backwards. This is only an optical illusion caused by where the two planets are in their yearly orbits.

The effects of this phenomena include minor mishaps with communication, transportation, and paperwork- all things that are under Mercury’s domain. For example, losing your keys, dealing with a computer crash, or misreading important contracts are more likely during the retrograde periods.

All of these annoyances are really symptoms of a mind that’s moving too fast and in too many directions. When Mercury turns retrograde it’s time to do all of the “re-” words: reconsider, review, rehearse, and remind. It’s a time to revisit where we’ve been, realign with our goals, and recommit to what’s important.

The phrase “a mind that’s moving too fast and in too many directions” makes me think of ADD.  It’s funny, because I was wondering the other day if people with ADD tend to feel the effects of Mercury Retrograde particularly strongly.  I love the “mind like water” concept.  I’m going to do some more reading on that.

Mercury will be retrograde from September 7, 2009 to September 30, 2009. During that time it will move from 6 degrees Libra back to 21 degrees Virgo, where it was in mid-August. Think back (re-member!) to mid-August. It’s time to review what was happening then, re-engage with something that was left unfinished, and revitalize it.

Moving from Libra back into Virgo describes a period when our focus will return from socializing back to working; from compromising back to discerning; from expressing back to analyzing. Virgo energy wants to plan, order, and schedule. With Mercury moving back to this sign it’s time for us to look for things in our life that need to be replanned, reordered, and rescheduled.

During the rerograde period Mercury will make a couple of stressful contacts to other planets. On September 17th Mercury will be challenged by Pluto. On this day we may be forced to face some news or facts that we’d rather avoid. Chances are it’s something that we avoided back in August and now we have to reconsider it. Around the 23rd Mercury will join up with Saturn and oppose Uranus. We’ll have to decide whether to cling to the past or accept a new idea, plan, or proposition. No need to rush into making your choice; Mercury will pass back over this spot in early October after it begins moving direct again.

The lesson of Mercury retrograde is to simply be more mindful- stop and think. Don’t be afraid to sign a contract; read it twice and make sure you understand what it contains. Don’t worry about losing your keys; look where you’re putting them. Don’t fret about a computer crash; back up your computer now.

Mercury retrograde periods are good times for doing lots of things that require you to go back over something. For example, editing a paper or manuscript, cleaning out files and closets, renewing subscriptions, licenses or registrations, or reconnecting with old friends. Give yourself permission over the next three weeks to slow down, clean up loose ends, and develop a mind like water. Namaste‘

I’ve blogged before about my clutter problem, and this weekend I actually made the first chunk of noticable progress that I’ve made in months.  It felt great, to finally make the shift from being overwhelmed by it to actually digging in and making a difference I can see.  Because doing this represents so much more to me than simply cleaning up a mess, it sort of represents a life-changing turning point, something I’ve experienced several of, lately.  I plan to be blogging some more about that in the next day or two, but my goal is to have dug myself out from under by mid-October.  Starting this during this particular time may be even better timing than I’d realized.

And an update: Last night, I tried one more time to get Mom and Dad’s VCR to pull in the cable signal because I was really tired of not being able to record my soap, and I discovered that if I tipped it slightly, the signal came in.  If I laid it flat, it lost it again.  Tipped: good.  Flat: bad.  So, for now, it’s sitting in a box where it can remain tipped until Dad and I have a chance to open it up and tighten whatever is loose.  Problem temproarily solved.  Someone Special said on chat this morning: “Sometimes things don’t work the way they are…so you have to tilt…shift…change perspective…”  Kinda profound.

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Photo Credit: NASA/Johns Hopkins University Applied Physics Laboratory/Carnegie Institution of Washington

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Getting Back Into The Swing of Things

It’s always hard to get back into the normal routine after a long holiday weekend, but today it was particularly hard.  I got to work this morning and couldn’t remember very much of last week.  It felt as if I’d been away for a couple weeks.

That is probably because the wedding occupied the minds of everyone in my family for so long.  It was a long day, Saturday, but it sure did turn out beautifully, in spite of all the things that didn’t go according to plan.  My sister did such an amazing job.  She’s a wedding planner and a minister and does this all the time for people, but this was her son’s wedding, so of course there was a whole extra special layer to it.  My new niece-in law (is there actually a proper term for one’s nephew’s wife?) is from The Philippines, and my sister incorporated some Filipino traditions into the ceremony.  That was very cool.

It was sometime Monday before my feet, legs, and lower back stopped hurting enough to walk right again, but I’m really glad I was able to help with the setup and cleanup.  My mother and sister both overdo, and my mother’s fibromyalgia is about a hundred times worse than mine, so I was glad to at least be able to take some of the burden from her shoulders.  I learned that next time, though, I need to wear working clothes and sneakers and change into my nicer clothes before the wedding, then back into working clothes again later.  Or at least sneakers.  I should have known better than to expect to work in wedge shoes when my feet are used to all-sneakers-all-the-time.  Or no shoes at all (or slippers) at home, but sneakers if I’m going to be spending any time at all on my feet.

It didn’t seem that I had quite the same length of paying-for-it time that I used to have after doing something strenuous, which was a big relief, especially since the wedding fell right into the worst week of my PMDD time.  A few years ago, I would never have made it.  So, progress.  And I didn’t get glutened, even though I helped with some of the food.  Lots of reasons to be happy.

Sunday and Monday, I did some more fear-facing that I may write about at some point.  It was (and still is) a hard thing for me, but I’m doing ok, and the fact that I made some of the decisions that I made is huge.  Decisions about trusting someone in ways I never quite have with anyone else, ever.  Big stuff.

And so, having added that cryptic rambling, I have summed up my weekend.

And now I’m back at work, and Tuesday feels like a Monday, and I got a very loving care package in the mail today, and I actually have accomplished some things at work.

Slowly, I’m remembering my job and how to do it as the Holiday Amnesia lifts.

How’s everyone else doing?

When Others See Strength

My mom said something yesterday when we were talking on the phone that made me feel very good.  She said, “I don’t think you even realize how strong you are,” and she went on to say how, when I was a little kid, I went through a stage where I clung to her and she wondered if I would ever be able to do anything on my own, but that I soon grew out of that stage and went on to impress her with how strong I became.

She spoke about how, when I was five and a half and was diagnosed with a stomach ulcer, I stuck to the bland diet the doctor put me on (for a year and a half!) and matter-of-factly said “No, thank you” to chocolate cake and Coca Cola at birthday parties and never seemed tempted to change my mind.  (It didn’t actually take much will-power, though; I remember the nightmares I used to have of being stabbed in the stomach with a sharp pencil when the ulcer was at its worst.  It wasn’t tempting to eat anything that would bring back that kind of pain.)  She compares the way I faced the ulcer diet with the way I have taken on the gluten free diet, but again, what she sees as will-power is essentially fear of causing myself to feel the way gluten makes me feel (it’s not just physical; it also affects my mental and emotional and cognative abilities and basically makes life hell for days).

But it’s still nice to hear that I’m seen as strong.  In fact, it’s a beautiful thing to hear.  (Shameless NaBloPoMo theme tie-in completely intended.)