The dreams came in like needy children, tugging at my sleeve
I said, “I have no way of feeding you, so leave”.Prince of Darkness – Indigo Girls
Hmmm. Well.
Ater I wrote and then re-read yesterday’s entry about food-addiction-related cravings, I was struck with how obvious it seemed.
All the pondering I’ve done about what it is that I need or want that I’ve been trying to satisfy with food came to a halt when I read my own words, describing the craving as feeling like a child desperate for attention and my overeating as a way to push that child into submission and silence. I thought, Duh. Could it be the child-part of me, needing my attention?
I talked with Sister when I saw her last night, and wondered aloud what sort of attention the child-part of me could need. What could I do that would make that child-part feel appreciated, acknowledged, paid-attention-to?
“Have fun?” I asked, feeling like the kid who got the pop-quiz answer right, expecting Sister to tap her nose like they do in Charades.
Ok. So.
It was actually synchronistic that I saw Sister last night. She’d emailed in the morning to say her cell phone wasn’t working. She and Mom and I are on one plan together. On my lunch hour, I went to the local store near where I work, described the message she was getting, and asked what we needed to do. She had a bad sim card, they said, and because there isn’t a store local to where she lives and works in another county, they gave me a new sim card for her. We met after work at the Outback Restaurant that is about halfway between, and we had dinner.
I did really well on my IF Ratings during dinner. I had a small steak, sweet potato, and seasonal veggies (broccoli, summer squash, carrots, and snap peas), and then we shared a brownie sundae (not so good on the IF ratings, but worth it), mainly because I just get so tickled at being able to have a brownie sundae in public (it’s gluten free!).
As I was thinking about how to go about having fun and amusing my inner child, I commented that said child was enjoying that sundae. Then it occurred to me that it wouldn’t always be a good idea to have a sundae as a way of amusing my inner child if the purpose of amusing my inner child were to not use food to make her be quiet.
I told Sister about my therapist asking me what other ways I could comfort myself, other than using comfort food. I had a hard time with that one, but I brought up that I often comfort myself by watching TV (the mindlessness of my viewing habits varying in direct relation to how stressed or depressed I am). But, I realized, I often eat while I watch TV and I associate the two pretty strongly.
But I figured it out last night.
I’m going to buy a coloring book and crayons, and when I’m watching TV and the child starts to tug at my sleeve, we’re going to color.
*Smile*
